Recycled Humor: The Quote List

In college, quote lists were my jam. My roommates and I stuck a sheet of paper on the fridge and kept a running list of hilarious things people said. But eventually, all my close roommates got married or moved away, so I wasn’t rooming with my besties anymore. That’s when I got the brilliant idea to start my own quote list, with any conversation I participated in or overheard as potential fodder for recycled humor.

I started that list in 2016 as a note on my phone, and now I have . . . well, I don’t have a good way to count the number of quotes. But I transferred the note into a Word Doc, and it’s almost 80 pages! Probably over a thousand quotes in total.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to my quote list to cheer myself up when I’m sad. With hundreds of quotes, I can always find something to make me smile. I’ve also used the list for writing inspiration: a few select quotes—or derivations of them—have made it into my novels. Friends have also benefited from my list: one friend group with a lot of quotes on the list made up a game where I read a quote and they had to guess which friend said it. And my husband now gets super excited whenever he realizes there’s been an addition to the list (I try to add quotes sneakily, but somehow HE ALWAYS KNOWS). We’ve literally stopped in our tracks while on an errand so he could catch up on the list.

So if you want more humor in your life, I suggest recycling what you already found funny. It’s great to laugh crazy hard about something in the moment, but if you write it down, you get to laugh crazy hard about it forever.

For your entertainment, here are a few quotes from my list.

How am I going to wake you up? —wife

Cold water? — husband

You won’t like that. —wife

I will kill you. —husband

I boycotted Dickey’s because they killed a woman. —friend 

On purpose? —friend’s wife

No not on purpose! —friend 

I don’t really see any need to keep going. —Ann Romney on the Snow Canyon lava tubes

I do. Excitement. —Mitt Romney (yes, we really did run into the Romneys while hiking)

I hate wearing shoes. —wife

Your life sucks. —husband

You’re never going to get married if no one can touch you. —8-year-old boy to 4-year-old brother

To be taxed with Mary, his estranged wife. —grandfather misreading Luke 2 at Christmas

I love Allen's! —friend on the local grocery store

Yeah, if you like being stabbed by homeless guys with screwdrivers. —friend’s roommate

That’s only happened a few times. —friend

Mom, I would never wear those boots. —friend

Why? —friend’s mom

Because they look like potatoes. —friend 

My hips were not infectious enough. —friend on her dance exam comments

I suggested Chuck E. Cheese's, but no one really liked that idea. —groom-to-be on his wedding dinner

We should study together for the GMAT! —friend 1

I don't study with people. —friend 2

What I actually meant was you should tutor me on the math.  —friend 1

Oh. Well, I can probably do that. —friend 2

If having a dog has taught me anything, it’s that being in charge means picking up poop. —dog owner

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